This article is adapted from material written by Chris Brauns, a Pastor and Author of “Unpacking Forgiveness.” In this mini-series on forgiveness, we are exploring how to reflect God’s heart in our relationships.
Forgiveness is a central theme of the Christian life, but it’s often misunderstood.
Many believers wrestle with questions like: “If God forgives me, why am I still facing consequences?” or “Can I forgive my spouse and still choose divorce?”
In this article, I offer clear, biblically grounded answers to these difficult questions. I remind you that forgiveness is powerful and necessary, but it doesn’t erase all consequences in a fallen world.
Let’s take a closer look at what Scripture says.
1. God Doesn’t Punish Forgiven Christians (But He Does Discipline Them)
Myth: “God punishes Christians even after they’re forgiven.”
Truth: “God never punishes His forgiven children with wrath, but He does lovingly discipline them.”
This is a crucial distinction. Punishment, biblically speaking, is tied to condemnation. Romans 8:1 declares: “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
If you are in Christ, your sin has been paid for—completely—by Jesus. God will not punish you with eternal wrath.
However, that does not mean you’ll be spared from all earthly consequences. While punishment is retributive, **discipline is restorative**. God disciplines His children not to make them pay, but to shape them into Christlikeness.
Even King David, though forgiven for his sin with Bathsheba, experienced devastating consequences—family conflict, personal grief, and deep sorrow (2 Samuel 12–15). This was not God’s punishment, but His fatherly discipline.
“God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in His holiness… Later, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” – Hebrews 12:10-11
As John Piper notes, God’s discipline serves to:
- Show the seriousness of sin
- Remind us that God does not take sin lightly
- Humble and sanctify the sinner
God’s discipline is always motivated by love. Like a parent who disciplines a child not to harm but to protect, God uses consequences to redirect us toward holiness.
2. Forgiveness Does Not Always Prevent Divorce
Statement: A person could forgive a spouse and still seek divorce.
Biblically? Yes.
At first glance, this may sound contradictory. However, a balanced and biblical perspective shows that forgiveness doesn’t erase consequences, especially in the context of broken trust.
Consider a spouse who repeatedly commits adultery. If he sincerely repents, his wife is called to forgive him (Luke 17:3-4). But forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation. Trust, once shattered, may not be restored—especially after patterns of sin or abuse.
In such cases, Scripture allows for divorce (see Matthew 19:9; 1 Corinthians 7:10-16). Forgiveness can coexist with the difficult decision to end a marriage covenant that has been persistently violated.
“The wife might say, ‘I do forgive you. But you have broken our marriage covenant repeatedly. I can’t live any longer with someone I can’t trust, so we can no longer be married.’” – Unpacking Forgiveness
This is not an act of revenge. It’s a sober acknowledgment that forgiveness doesn’t guarantee restoration, especially when repentance isn’t matched by transformation. In a fallen world, even biblically permissible divorce comes at a high cost.
“The divorce you imagine is not the divorce you will have. The cost of divorce is always greater than you thought it would be.” – Unpacking Forgiveness
Where possible, reconciliation is always preferred, but not at the expense of safety, sanity, or spiritual well-being.
3. Forgiveness Is Radical Grace, Not a Free Pass
Forgiveness is never about pretending nothing happened. It’s not the absence of consequences. Rather, it’s the release of vengeance and the choice to entrust justice to God.
Whether in our relationship with Him or with others, forgiveness reflects God’s heart: merciful, holy, and wise. In many cases, God disciplines His children. In some cases, relationships may not be restored. But in all things, forgiveness is an act of grace anchored in truth.
Conclusion: Forgiveness Reflects the Gospel
The gospel calls us to forgive as we’ve been forgiven. But that doesn’t mean life becomes consequence-free.
- God disciplines His people not in anger, but in love.
- Spouses may forgive yet still separate when trust is shattered.
- Forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation or blind tolerance.
Ultimately, forgiveness is not about avoiding pain—it’s about imitating Christ. In a world full of sin and brokenness, it often takes courage, wisdom, and a deep dependence on God.
“Forgiveness is not a warm feeling—it’s a determined act of grace.” – Unpacking Forgiveness
