Written by Schaumburg Christian School Counselor Rebekah Salazar
Stress reveals what is in our hearts.
During my years living in Central America, our family’s weekly routine was to go to the farmer’s market. There was row after row of colorful, fresh fruits and vegetables, and then along the edge of the market were the juice stands.
Piles of ripe oranges awaited their day in the juicer, a large metal press with a crank that was forcefully pulled to extract all of the orange juice. The pressure exerted on the orange was intense, but the quality of the juice ultimately depended on the quality of the orange itself. We certainly hoped the vendor used sweet oranges, rather than bitter, under-ripe fruit.
The Oxford Dictionary defines stress as “a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances.” That strain, like the giant medal juicer squeezing the orange, ultimately reveals the condition of our hearts. When life presents us with challenges, both good and bad, our ruling desires and the accompanying inability to control the outcome ultimately reveal what we are worshipping and where we are finding our identity.
Teens are especially vulnerable to stress. They often experience increased stress as they take on more responsibilities and their expectations towards life grow. How they respond to stress ultimately reveals their values and sense of identity (Proverbs 12:25, Luke 6:45, Proverbs 4:23).
While the internet provides a wealth of stress management aides for our teens, God offers them more than coping strategies. He relieves their stress by reordering their worship and redefining their identity.
Stress reveals what we are worshipping.
In Matthew 6:21, Jesus explains that what we treasure most, what we worship or love, will control our hearts, “for where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” These treasures rule us like little gods.
What do you live for? What consumes your thoughts and desires? For teens, academic, peer, sport, future, and family pressure are daily realities. The greater the expectation, the desire, or the need for a certain outcome, the greater the stress.
If a teen lives for a perfect 4.0, they will be crushed under the weight of stress when they feel unable to meet this goal. Their need for academic success will produce anxiety and fear when that success is put at risk, and the loss of the perfect GPA will feel devastating.
Many teens are ruled by the desire to be accepted by their peers. They feel the need for approval, maybe even sacrificing what is pleasing to God to please their friends.
The ruling desire to be accepted by friends, the urge for academic success, even the need to make mom or dad happy, all make the weight of everyday responsibilities heavier, leaving the young person overcome by their idols. Even good desires, when they rule our hearts, can crush us.
Stress reveals our misplaced identity.
Just as stress reveals what we are worshipping, it also exposes the source of our identity. What makes you you? In what or whom do you find your worth?
Teens once measured their worth by pleasing parents and teachers, experiencing anxiety at the thought of their disapproval. Now, due to the internet and social media, there is an increased need for young people to find their identity in the mass acceptance of not only their peers, but also total strangers.
Who does the teen fear failing or disappointing? They probably experience stress and anxiety over losing their acceptance or approval. The Bible calls finding our identity in other people’s opinions and acceptance, or the fear of man, a trap. (Proverbs 29:25)
There is an even more dangerous source of misplaced identity that causes stress in teens, and that’s the idea that THEY are enough. From Disney cartoons to song lyrics, they have been told that everything they need can be found in themselves. “Just follow your heart!” However, when you follow your heart, subjective feelings control your identity. And where feelings rule, anxiety takes control.
If a teen tries to find their sufficiency in themselves, what do they do when they’re hit with the overwhelming reality: They are not enough?
So while the world tells them to trust their heart, the Bible says that the heart is desperately wicked above all things and the source of our bad behaviors (Jeremiah 17:9, Matthew 15:18). Teens who try to find their identity from within will come to realize, “he who trusts his own mind (heart) is a fool.” Proverbs 28:26
God offers hope in Himself.
Peter, talking about anxiety, instructs us to humbly give up control to God, giving him all our stress. He says, “Humble yourselves under the MIGHTY HAND of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:6). This is a declaration of worshipful dependence, recognizing that God alone is sovereign.
A teen, overwhelmed by stress because they are worshiping their grades, friends, or any desire more than God, is invited to humble themselves under God’s mighty hand, accepting His control while relinquishing their own. They can believe that He will provide what they need, not necessarily what they want (Psalm 37:5).
Peter describes God’s hand as mighty. Isaiah 41:10 states that God upholds us, or sustains us, with His righteous right hand. Psalm 145:16 states that he opens his hand and satisfies our needs. So God’s mighty hand is not crushing, but comforting, helping, and encouraging when we submit to him. With His hand, He gently cares for us (vs. 6).
All of our hearts are naturally bent away from God and towards worshipping self and things. Our sin is the greatest stressor, and without God’s mighty hand, it will destroy us (Psalm 38:4). But, Jesus Christ was “pierced for our transgressions.” (Isaiah 53:5) The very hands that care for us were nailed to the cross so that you and I would be freed from the burden of sin.
The overwhelmed and stressed-out teen must understand this good news: submitting themselves under the mighty hand of God begins with recognizing their sin and trusting, in faith, that Christ was punished in their place on the cross. (1 Peter 2:24) It’s only then that they can learn the reality of Matthew 11:28-30, that Christ’s load is bearable, His “yoke is easy and His burden is light.”
God offers our true identity.
Stress changes when we learn Who made us and why He made us. In other words, when our identity is corrected, stress will no longer overpower us. Teens, by nature, live for themselves, but the weight of stress is lifted when they discover they were created to live for God.
In Psalm 100:3, King David reminds Israel that God made them, they did not make themselves, and that they are His people, belonging to Him. How does knowing that they were created by God and for God help teens manage stress? The weight of stress is lifted when they learn that:
- Our worth is not found in our performance, but in what Christ accomplished for us on the cross. (Galatians 2:20, Titus 3:5, Romans 8:31-39)
- Excellence is no longer qualified by other people’s approval or the results, but by whether all we did was for God’s glory. (Galatians 1:10, Colossians 3:23-34, 1 Corinthians 10:31).
- Our ability is not found in ourselves, but in the Lord. (2 Corinthians 3:5, John 15:5).
- We are not called to love self, but to love God and love others. (John 13:34, Mark 12:30-31)
- Our greatest joy and satisfaction are found not in living according to our feelings, but according to God’s design. (Genesis 1:27, 2 Corinthians 5:14-15)
A Word for Parents
As parents, helping our teens begins with learning to place ourselves under the mighty hand of God. Begin by asking yourself the key questions: What do you want? Where do you find your worth? Who do you want to please? Trace your stress back to your heart, identifying the idols that are fighting for what is rightfully God’s.
As we submit to the Lord, learning to trust that He alone is sovereign, all-powerful, and all-knowing, and realign our hearts to worship Him, we can talk honestly to our teens about our struggles with stress.
In addition, as parents, we must be careful not to find our identity in our children’s success as students, athletes, or future adults, and likewise become a cause for undue stress in their lives. Rather, we should model for them what it means to love God and love others sacrificially, not living for our glory, but for the Lord’s.
Although as parents we will be imperfect models, our goal must be to equip our teens to understand the root of the emotions they experience in stressful situations, guiding them by word and example to submit to God, because He does care for them.
