This article is adapted from material written by Chris Brauns, a Pastor and Author of “Unpacking Forgiveness.” In this mini-series on forgiveness, we are exploring how to reflect God’s heart in our relationships.
Forgiveness can feel like a mountain that’s impossible to climb—especially when the wounds are deep, the memories fresh, and the hurt ongoing.
Culture tells us to “process” our pain, to journal about how we feel, or to vent with friends. But what if that approach keeps us more stuck than free?
In this article, I offer a countercultural and deeply biblical path forward—one that moves us from emotional exhaustion to Gospel-rooted peace. I also give a sobering warning for those who are unwilling to forgive.
1. Journaling Won’t Heal Your Heart (But Jesus Can)
We often hear that the best way to stop obsessing over hurt is to journal about it—to get it all out on paper. While that can help in some contexts, journaling can actually deepen the emotional grooves of pain. It’s like spinning on a mental gerbil wheel—reliving the offense over and over, solidifying bitterness instead of healing it.
So what should we do instead? Fix our eyes on Christ.
“The key to Christlike responses, the key to getting mental victory over bitterness and hurt, is to fix our eyes on Jesus Christ himself, day in and day out.” – Unpacking Forgiveness
Jesus suffered more injustice than anyone in history—and yet He responded with grace, not revenge. He “entrusted Himself to Him who judges justly” (1 Peter 2:23). If we want to become more like Him, we must do the same.
2. Healing Is a Process, Not a Switch
The Bible teaches that sanctification—becoming more like Jesus—is a lifelong process. People often get discouraged because they want instant victory over their thoughts. But God usually works slowly, steadily, and deeply.
C.S. Lewis once admitted that it took him over 30 years to truly forgive someone. That’s both sobering and encouraging.
The point is not to give up or to expect perfection. The point is to keep looking at Jesus and allow Him to change us from the inside out.
3. Practical Tools for Mental Victory
Here are several clear, biblical strategies for getting off the “mental gerbil wheel” of bitterness:
- Fill your mind with Scripture’s view of forgiveness. We are to forgive others as God forgave us (Ephesians 4:32). If we’ve received grace, we must extend grace. Even the worst offenses against us are small compared to what we’ve been forgiven by God.
- Stop analyzing yourself. Start meditating on Christ. Psalm 73 shows how self-focused meditation can spiral into despair. But when the psalmist turns to remembering God’s faithfulness, peace returns.
- Pray intentionally and persistently. These aren’t “drive-by prayers” but serious, focused prayer—perhaps even journaling your prayers to stay mentally engaged. Philippians 4 promises peace when we pray with thanksgiving.
- Watch your words. Be careful who you talk to and what you say. Repeating the story of how you were hurt can cement bitterness rather than free you from it.
- Immerse yourself in Christian community and worship. Forgiveness doesn’t grow in isolation. We need the local church, the Word, and the Spirit to transform our minds.
4. A Warning: If You Refuse to Forgive, Be Afraid
Jesus makes this point painfully clear in the parable of the unforgiving servant (Matthew 18:21-35). A servant is forgiven an unpayable debt—equivalent to billions of dollars—only to turn around and choke a fellow servant over a few thousand.
The king is enraged. He revokes his forgiveness and throws the man into prison. Jesus ends the story with this terrifying conclusion: “So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.” (v. 35)
If we accept God’s mercy but withhold mercy from others, it reveals something dangerous: maybe we never truly grasped the gospel to begin with.
Forgiveness isn’t easy. But refusing to forgive is not only un-Christlike—it’s spiritually deadly.
Final Thoughts: Fix Your Eyes, Examine Your Heart
If you’re battling with pain, betrayal, or long-standing wounds, let me encourage you: healing is possible—but only through Christ. Journaling may help, but it won’t save you. Venting may relieve pressure, but it won’t set you free.
What you need most is to see Jesus more clearly and trust Him more fully.
And if you’re clinging to bitterness or unwilling to forgive, don’t excuse it. Take it seriously. The gospel that forgave you calls you to forgive others.
“Saying ‘I cannot or will not forgive’ is another way of saying ‘I am thinking about going to hell’.” – Unpacking Forgiveness
Forgiveness is hard. But grace is stronger. And Jesus walks with us every step of the way to help us learn to forgive others.
