I find it very interesting that we have no record of Adam asking God for a mate, yet God knew he needed a wife and provided just what he needed! Many husbands still remain clueless to how much they really need us – LOL! But God knows, and God built into marriage a teamwork plan that really blesses couples who follow those God-given roles.
God always has a plan, and everything He does has a purpose. Even the order of Creation indicates God’s design that Adam was to relate vertically to God first before he had a counterpart with horizontal relations. It was God who said Adam should not be alone, that he should have a comparable helper, and God provided that in Eve (Gen 2:18-25).
Our first role as a wife, then, is companionship. We are to be with our own husband so that he is not alone; he has a mate. Companionship involves friendship, communication, fun, togetherness. It is a bond, a connection unique to the couple, not just sexually, but in every sphere of life. Most relationships begin that way, but often through the years the connection becomes mundane, no longer exciting. That is so wrong! We as wives need to guard against putting the kids, the house, the hobbies, the career before our husbands. That relationship must be nurtured and the connection kept alive and exciting.
OK…I hear some of you complaining that it’s really their fault that the relationship has grown stale! Come on….where is that feminine charm you used in the early days of the relationship? Remember Adam’s exclamation of excitement when he saw Eve! Ladies, God designed us to delight our husbands with our feminine charm. Read Proverbs 31. That godly charm should never wear out. God’s design is that it would last “’til death do us part.”
The second design that God had in mind for the life of a wife is that we be a helper to our husband. The ways we can help them are innumerable! The ways we could hurt them are also innumerable. It’s a daily choice – help or hurt?
We help by being their best cheerleader…encouraging and affirming the qualities we admired in them from the beginning of our attraction to them. Back in those days we had a long list of reasons we should be together. Disillusionment, time, busyness, etc. may have robbed us of our joy not only in the Lord, but in our own husband. We can choose to blame him, but joy is our own responsibility before the Lord and it springs from a pure heart. A bitter heart blames others, excusing our own bad behavior and robbing our joy.
The first step forward is to deal with our own heart to be sure our heart reflects Christ’s heart who forgives ALL our sins and believes the best about us (Rom 5:8, Php 1:6, Eph 4:32). Make a list of all those qualities you are praying for your husband to exhibit again in your relationship and begin to affirm any little glimpse of those qualities you see in him. Our Lord desires our praise, and so does our husband. Affirmation goes much farther than criticism (Rom 12:9-21)! Pray for his growth…and for yours!
Working together as a team builds on each other’s strengths. Every team has a leader and helpers. Our wifely role is to be the helper for our own husband, and our cooperation promotes unity. Is submission the primary role as some teach? According to 1 Pet 3:1-6, godly conduct is what wins a husband over through a gentle and quiet (reverent) spirit.
Our submission is ultimately to the Lord (Eph 5:22), and when our goal is always to help and bless our own husband, even in difficult circumstances, our humility makes a profound impact even on a hard-hearted husband! We will see positive change, even in difficult marriages. God resists the proud, but give grace to the humble (Jas 4:1-12).
Another way we can be a helper is to keep our home a place of peace and order, a haven to which the family will daily enjoy returning! That includes a right attitude toward every family member, with love ruling and grace abounding. If order is difficult for you as a wife, get a mentor to help with simplifying your home and life to establish order. Teach the children their roles. Orderly peace is the goal, not perfection, with a warm and inviting atmosphere (Titus 2:3-5). Love, laughter, and calming music should radiate from your home.
A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver (Pro 25:11-13). There is a way to communicate that produces peace and unity (Eph 4) and another way that creates havoc in the home. When a wife chooses godly communication, there is at least a 50% improvement! In time, others in the family tend to pick up on the benefits of that gentle and reverent heart of Mom. Her godly influence declares her to be a Proverbs 31 woman where her husband and children rise up and call her blessed! I desire to be that woman, and I pray that also for you. Decide today that you will live out your role as a godly wife, period!