Bitterness: Turn It into Better-ness!

• sours your face, may raise your blood pressure, and contribute to other unwelcome physical ailments.
• wards off friends, coworkers, even family when you let it out.
• eats you up inside, turning you into a snap dragon.

What Is Bitterness?

Bitterness is anger under wraps. It’s testy, irritable, rude, and critical. It’s a disagreeable attitude swimming in biting, snarky comments, an attitude dripping self-righteousness and self-pity. It grows like black mold in the heart.

Often a person with a critical spirit holds dear to prickly bitterness. This bitterness reflects a heart full of anger and strife. This is what the writer of Hebrews said about bitterness.

See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no ‘root of bitterness’ springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled. Hebrews 12:15, ESV

The Cause of Bitterness

Bitterness has its roots in a wrong belief that your rights — real or perceived — have been stomped on and kicked across the room. Or worse.

I remember my confusion and hurt — and bitterness toward my husband — several months and years after our daughter Laura was born. We had agreed I’d work part-time from home as a freelance journalist while he worked 9 to 5 at his office.

The problem started when I figured wrongly that he could read my mind and know that when he was home we’d share normal household duties like setting the table, washing dishes, tossing in a load of laundry, and changing diapers. And he figured wrongly that I’d be a mom like his mother, and he’d be a dad like his father.

Eventually I aired my feeling but still felt bitter. How come?

I didn’t get my way. It was the same old same old.

I did the dishes and diapers and dust pans in the evenings while I rehearsed all the “bad” things my husband failed to do. Rather than thanking God for a great husband who provided and protected our family and who spent Saturday mornings with Laura so I could do whatever I wanted, I held tight to prickly bitterness that began with a hurt and a wrong belief.

If you do not respond biblically to the hurt (this would involve forgiving the sin, overlooking the sin, or realizing the ‘offense’ was not wrong in God’s eyes) — you may begin to rehearse the offense in your mind, reviewing it over and over again,” says Lou Priolo in Getting a Grip. “The practice of continually reviewing and imputing (charging your offender with the fault or the responsibility for) the offense violates 1 Corinthians 13:5 (‘love does not keep a running account of evil’).

My new right desire: This wasn’t how I pictured mothering. Because the Lord is in control and I believe he is good and trustworthy, I submit to Christ’s rule in my life and want his plan because his plan brings God glory and is best.

Bitterness Dies

The moment I replaced my wrong belief with a right belief, I exchanged bitterness for “betterment” and let go of the whole bitter mess. You can kill your this nasty emotion too.

Here are 4 suggestions:

First, name the hurt or wrong.

3. Change your thinking and your actions.

What is a right belief that replaces the wrong belief?

When you choose a wrong desire based on a wrong belief, bitterness is likely. God’s desire is for each of us to choose what he desires according to his plans and purposes.