Problem: Selfish Sex Not Gay Marriage

Nothing much changed today on Friday, June 26, with the U.S. Supreme Court’s ruling on same-sex marriage. You might be surprised that I think that. Hear me out, you might agree.

Since the founding of America, people have experienced all varieties of sexual struggle.That didn’t change today, and it won’t significantly increase tomorrow. Whether rape, illicit affairs, teenage sex, one-night stands, uncaring marital sex, strip clubs or LGBT relationships, those created in the image of God have always struggled with selfish sex and have twisted what God created into idols of their own satisfaction. Tomorrow, this idolatry will remain the same.

The U.S. Supreme Court’s ruling is tragic, but not near as tragic as the selfish sex that has ravaged individuals, marriage and families throughout the centuries in America. Laws don’t hurt people; they just make it possible to do it legally without fear or societal repercussion.

Think about the harmful permutations of selfish sex today.

• Rape is at near pandemic levels on college campuses. Why? In a sexual-charged environment, there is little fear of being reported and prosecuted.
• Pornography accounts for most searched category on the internet while reportedly a victimless crime done in secret.
• Pedophilia is rampant in many countries, and sex trafficking is at an all-time high despite greater attention to the plight of the sex slaves than ever before.

Selfish Sex Brings Pain and Heartache

Despite increasing legal efforts to regulate some forms of sexuality, they fail to put a dent in the overall situation. Selfish sexual desire and sin is ever increasing, and many are being crushed by its weight. Many times those in the church practice a sexuality that is no different. This is the real tragedy on June 26.

The problem on Friday, June 26, was not really in the U.S. Supreme Court. It just legally protected another form of sex that was already being widely practiced. This ruling simply reflects what was long decided in the hearts of Americans: selfish sex is what we desire, and we will remove any obstacle to get it. We will jump over laws, taboos, threat of disease, marital partners, and financial barriers all to seek the ecstasy and promise of fulfilling our sexual desires.

However, selfish sex doesn’t deliver on the promise it makes. Selfish sex always brings more pain and heartache in the long run. The answer is not more laws, but rather a proper understanding of the purpose of sex. If we are all just animals, then let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel. However, if God created sex for our good, then how do have good sex? That is a question I wish the church would reflect on more often.

Good Questions for Churches to Wrestle With

1. Was sex created for selfish pleasure or for another purpose?
2. Are all varieties of sexual activity equally able to accomplish this purpose?
3. Is there such a thing as selfish sex and does it harm people?
4. Is selfish sex that harms people sinful and does God care?
5. Can selfish sex be found in heterosexual marriages?
6. Should all varieties of LGBT sex viewed as selfish sex?
7. Is it really possible to outlaw selfish sex and is this the best approach to help people?

About the Author

I am Tim and I too have selfish sexual desires. My parents have selfish sex desires too.  My children’ probably will too. I pastored a church full of selfish sex sinners. I live in a neighborhood full of selfish sex sinners (I think) but I haven’t ever asked because it’s really none of my business!
photo credit: the waving pride of the rainbow warriors : harvey milk plaza, castro, san francisco (2015) via photopin (license)