Everyone needs a wise friend or ten! Have you ever had a friend who went off the rails?
- It’s the husband who leaves it all behind to pursue the supposed greener pastures of adultery.
- It’s the young man in a good job who suddenly crashes and burns because of an addiction that takes control.
- It’s the woman who cracks under pressure and becomes overtaken by self-injury or an eating disorder.
Such a friend has made unwise, ungodly choices that flow from a heart of idolatry and foolishness. You can help your hurting friend, per Galatians 6:1 You may decide to find a new, wise friend. Wouldn’t you like to know a great place for godly instruction in finding a wise friend? Look to Proverbs, a book in the Old Testament.
Proverbs is a book about wisdom. It gives wisdom about friendships and all sorts of common scenarios in life.The authors of Proverbs are trying to instruct us about the way that life works under God’s rule including friendships.
They are laying it out for us. . . if you embrace wisdom, this is the result. If you embrace foolishness, this is the result.
Whoever gets sense loves his own soul,he who keeps understanding will discover good. Proverbs 19:8 ESV
How Wisdom Helps You
Wisdom is understanding how God created life to work and choosing to seek to live accordingly.
Where do you get wisdom? Ultimately, God. You also gain wisdom from a wise friend.
When you walk alongside those whose life is unraveling, you may realize that there is most often one major common denominator: they were living an isolated life. They had no wise friends who knew the choices they were about to make and to encourage them to make the best decisions. People fail to thrive without healthy friendships. Do you know someone who lived life in isolation from wise friends and fell into a series of problem?
One of the questions we counselors ask while working with people going through difficulty is, “What do your wise friends say you should do?”
Here are the three common responses:
- I don’t have any wise friends.
- I don’t agree with my wise friends.
- I think I should probably do what they suggest.
2 Distinctions of a Wise Friend
Did you know wise friends increase your chances of success? A wise friends are the kind of friend
that sharpens iron, the kind that calls each other out when necessary, the kind that helps you up when you fall down.
A Wise Friend Does Life Together
We are fools when we go at major decision in life alone. Wise people seek the input of trusted friends. Wise friends increase our perspectives.Wise friends protect us from suffering harm.
Whoever walks with the wise becomeswise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm. Proverbs 13:12
A Christian man had a stressful week at work and devised a plan to drink away the pain on a Friday. By the time his wife returned home in the early evening, he was passed out on their bedroom bed and too intoxicated to interact with her. This man was a company executive, smart, and active in church.
But he had no wise friends he talks with regularly.
Wouldn’t golfing or fishing or catching a ball game be a better way to blow off steam on a Friday afternoon after a stressful week than getting drunk?
There are other scenarios calling out for wise friends:
- A woman who thinks she can tame her hot-headed boyfriend.
- The man who continually seeks to make a quick buck on get-rich-quick schemes.
- The teen who figures he can party all the time,and his choice won’t affect him.
A Wise Friend Goes Deep
A man of many companions may come to ruin but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24
A man or woman with many Facebook friends may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer to a brother. That friend is the one who speaks for God into our life. . . .he or she is the one who represents Christ in our life. It is the one who reminds us of the need for the cross. It is the one who reminds us of the good news of the gospel when we are down. It is the friend who corrects us when we are thinking incorrectly. It is the friend who will push into our stubbornness and help us get moving again.
How to Find and Keep a Wise Friend
1. Choose to be friendly.
If you are a grump, realize again the good news of the gospel. Take joy in it. Live out that joy in your friendships.
If you are a grump, realize again the good news of the gospel. Take joy in it. Live out that joy in your friendships.
2. Choose to be forgiving.
There are no lasting friendship without forgiveness. You can never forgive more than God has forgiven you. Take the risk and forgive.
3. Choose to be frank.
It is very important that we are wise with our words. What, how, and when we speak the truth all
matter. However, in our attempts to gain a hearing we often go too far and fail to sharpen or challenge one
another. Being frank is about boldness. It’s about risking the relationship to speak truth. Invite people to be frank with you. Provide your friends with immunity so you can learn from them. With mutual frankness, you don’t have to walk on eggshells.
4. Choose to be family.
It’s wonderful to have family nearby, but in our ransient culture, the local church often becomes a family to those whose families are far away. Hospitality is more of a ministry opportunity than ever.
5. Choose to be faithful.
Deep friendship takes a commitment over the long haul. You can’t easily move to the next stage
of life with everyone in your current stage, but do we value friendship enough? In our American culture, we tend to value individualism very highly. We don’t want to be dependent on anyone and we don’t want anyone to be dependent on us. This is doesn’t work spiritually.
You and God will be as a strong as you, God and others. You need others to grow.
Let’s Talk
We all need wise friends. . . do you have one? . . .are you willing to be one?
Evaluate your friendships. Expand your friendships. Ask God for wisdom.
